Your Daddy is proud of you!

Hear Me: Your Daddy is proud of you!

Today, as I went about my day, I heard something that has resonated throughout the day, and I want to share it with you.

Photo by Edward Cisneros on Unsplash

This message percolated throughout the day, coming up over and over, and even as the day ended with a long conversation with a good friend, she reminded me yet again how far I've come in my growth, and I heard it again.

Even as I almost skipped putting up a post today, because it was long and I was tired... I sat down and wondered what He might want me to tell you... and I know that what I heard isn't just for today or for me, but it's for you too, so I'm sharing.

God: Your Daddy is proud of you!

Your earthly Dad may have been many things, anywhere on the spectrum from highly loving and engaged to aloof to absent to abusive.

Your Heavenly Father is different from all of those types of dads. He is incapable of not loving you.

Right about this point, I hear the voice in my head (and yours) scoff.

Yeah Right! If God loved me, xyz wouldn't have happened. 

I know. I hear you. I feel that pain. Here and now, I validate that and I acknowledge that emotion. It's real. Life sucks sometimes, for some of us most of the time.

Lay love aside for the moment, because what I'm saying is so much deeper and more profound than that.

Your Daddy (God) is PROUD of you! 

That's even harder to swallow. Religion has informed us that we don't measure up to his standards, we need to improve, be better, be less or more (fill in the religious blank here) to earn his love and acceptance.

Some idiots (yes I used that word) with picket signs are standing outside of a Gay Pride parade with a sign that says "God Hates Gays". And you might be one of the ones who've read that sign, and you are saying "God's not proud of me, he doesn't even like me".

I'm here to tell you. YES, HE IS.

A good Daddy is proud of his kids for their attempts at being what he created them to be. A small toddler taking his/her first steps and falling into waiting arms is not judged by their success or failure.

As a Daddy myself, I assure you, it was the attempt that had us beaming with pride. "Look at that! My kid! My kid walked! Sure, it was a half-step stumble fall, but it counts!"

Why? Not because they're the best walker in the world, but it's because we see the potential inside of them being realized. Because of what we see in them.

Your Daddy created perfection when He created you, and that's what he sees.

Sure, He sees the mistakes, but He's got those covered. Accept his game-plan for Life (read more here) and he'll handle the "mistakes" on his own, without your help.

Stop.

Right now. Stop.

Get quiet. Close your eyes. If you are alone say this out loud, if not, say it quietly to yourself.

"Daddy (God)(Pappa)... Are you really proud of me?"

Then be quiet. Let Him speak. If you've never tried to hear God speak, it might be hard to distinguish, that's okay. Repeat this exercise daily until you start to hear him. He wants to talk. And when you start hearing the God of the Universe tell you how proud He is of you... Everything else just doesn't matter as much as it used to.

Tell Your Kids: Your Daddy is proud of you!

Once you sit with that and own it, tell people. If you have children, no matter how old, even adult children... Tell them how proud you are of them. Forget performance. Who cares what choices they made that you disagree with. Who cares what "sin" they're living in according to you. You go validate the potential God put inside of them.

Find something, anything, that you can praise, and praise the heck out of it!

Make banners, frames, post-cards, whatever it takes.

Be genuine, sincere, and not fake about it. For that to work, you have to own it and believe it first.

Good leaders know that catching someone doing good and praising them for it is 100% of times more powerful in creating good behavior than correcting something bad.

Go find something you can be proud of, even if it's unrealized and untapped potential, and praise it!

Tell Your People: Your Daddy is proud of you!

Maybe you don't have kids or you're estranged from them. You have access to someone. Some human in your world, no matter how small, the mailman if need be, that you can do this with. Go tell them, their Daddy is proud of them.

Your Turn:

Comment below, what's one thing you are proud of in someone in your life!

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Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!

Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe)

Storyteller | Writer | Thinker | Consultant @ DarrellWolfe.com

Clifton StrengthsFinder: Intellection, Learner, Ideation, Achiever, Input
16Personalities (Myers-Briggs Type): INFJ

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Thankful to finally make this announcement.

GriefSucks.Org

There are many things I'm grateful for today. But it's been a long day so I won't go into everything.

• I'm grateful to God, for getting me through the worse 17 months of my life.

• I'm grateful to my Mom, Mom In Love, Friends, and Family who have gotten me through the worst days.

• I'm especially grateful for the Widow/Widower community I've met through the various Facebook Groups online. They have been a source of encouragement and strength.

One such Wid-Sister, Adrianne, and I started a new project together. We both got busy this summer and I'm grateful for her patience as I promised her I'd keep with it if she kept bugging me.

So I'd like to announce GriefSucks.org. It's been and will continue to be a project of love that we will work on as time permits. There are some amazing articles she wrote from her perspective as a Widow and I plan to add some from my perspective as a Widower. So far, she wrote a lot and I edited a lot. I'm grateful for her talent as a writer.

Please check it out and subscribe to that project as well!

And with that short post, I wish you a fond farewell for the evening.

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Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!

Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe)

Storyteller | Writer | Thinker | Consultant @ DarrellWolfe.com

Clifton StrengthsFinder: Intellection, Learner, Ideation, Achiever, Input
16Personalities (Myers-Briggs Type): INFJ

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Six (6) Parenting Lessons I Learned with my budding 14-year-old Entrepreneur.

Pokemon Cards created a Teachable Moment in Entrepreneurship. 

Photo DarrellWolfe via Facebook Marketplace (my personal ad)

Parenting Lessons: How Pokemon Cards created a Teachable Moment in Entrepreneurship

Not too very long ago, my 14-year-old son asked me to help him do something he could not do for himself: Sell Pokemon Cards on Facebook Marketplace.

We all played for a few years, collecting a few more each release, even going to events. After his mom died, he kept playing but his brother did not.

He inherited his late mom's cards, then his brother gave up playing and gave his, then I gave up mine... by the end, he had well in excess of 7,000 extra cards (those not in his current playing decks or collections).

He asked permission to sell them, I suggested Facebook Marketplace. He diligently separated them into categories, grouping them in fair sets. Eventually, he needed my help listing them.

Since he is in school now and doesn't own a car or driver's license yet, I found myself responding to his ads and taking the cards and handing them off and collecting money.

As I look back on the last months, I have several things to glean from the experience.

Lessons in Parenting: What went well.

1. Place the ownership on them. Make them do as much as they can. Encouraging him to do all the pre-work allowed him to take responsibility for the quality of his own product and make a better sale. 
2. Encourage their diligence. I'm darn proud of him staying on top of the process, checking to see if there have been messages from buyers, and asking for feedback. 
3. Teach them to create value. He sold two very quickly, both to parents who used to play and are now teaching their kids. Both parents agreed that it was a fair deal, and great assortment. He did a great job organizing them in a way that was fair to the buyer and gave good value. He didn't need to do anything other than organizing them in a special way and sell that organization to create that value. 

Lessons in Parenting: Opportunities for growth.

1. Walk them all the way through. I could have opted to wait to schedule a time to sell the cards to ensure he would be there to meet the buyers. I didn't do that with the first one but I did with the second. That gave him the opportunity to handle the sale and meet buyers face to face. 
2. Your Engagement is Crucial: I could have been more engaged with him in the process. I treated it like an afterthought and didn't give him the same priority he showed the project. I doubled back to re-encourage him and tell him what a great job he did and was doing with the project.
3. Setbacks are inevitable. The rest didn't sell as quickly. He did some work to try to get them listed on Amazon and that hit a roadblock. So we learned that we could double back and get a new plan. So we paid for $1 worth of advertising to boost the listing on Facebook Marketplace. 

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Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!

Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe)

Storyteller | Writer | Thinker | Consultant @ DarrellWolfe.com

Clifton StrengthsFinder: Intellection, Learner, Ideation, Achiever, Input
16Personalities (Myers-Briggs Type): INFJ

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Get honest with yourself about how money is controlling you, a step towards No Hiding with Money.

No Hiding with your Money

Money makes a great servant but a terrible master. Let's take a look at how we hide from ourselves, spouses, friends, and God with our spending habits and money worries.

Photo by Travis Essinger on Unsplash

"No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money. NET Bible Matthew 6:24

No Hiding: Overcoming Money Lies / Setting Priorities

One main area of our lives we find ourselves hiding in is with our money. It's so easy to spend a little here and there, then turn around realizing we spent our electric bill money at Taco Bell. 

But that's just the symptom, it goes deeper. How often do you pull up everything, all the bills, all the spending, and put it in front of you and say "this is what my spending tells me about my priorities"? 

That kind of openness begins a dialogue with yourself, spouse, people in your life who are confidantes or advisors, and with God. It takes you down a journey that says "I'm committed to No Hiding in my finances". 

That type of journey takes courage. The moment you step into that arena, every decision is subject to a second guess and arm-chair quarterbacking. You're no longer feeling the pangs of hunger or depression that cause you to make that purchase. And in hindsight, you could have done better. It's time to make a plan to be better. 

But no matter how many plans you make, you don't follow them when it comes time. Maybe there's something deeper going on.

What spirit is driving you?

Going even deeper: If our money, paychecks, and bills cause us to stress, worry, fear, get anxious, lose sleep, or the hound is nipping at our heels forcing us to run-run-run-run harder and harder, work that overtime or you'll be broke and die... then the wrong spirit is driving you. 

That is the spirit of Mammon (money). 

The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace... Love drives out fear. God may, during your planning session with Him, tell you to work overtime as part of your plan. However, if it's not from a place of peace and joy and trust, it's the wrong spirit driving you. 

The Tithe is a Trust-meter. 

Your tithe is a trust-meter. It is your commitment to God, saying:

"I acknowledge you, your provision, your involvement in my life, you're giving me the very mental resources that allow me to do this job. If new resources or jobs are needed, you will give me those too. If a new business is needed, you'll give me those resources. I acknowledge that everything I have is yours, and I turn this over to you." (see Deut 26:13)

When you tithe, you commit to God's hands your finances. But it shouldn't be from a place of obligation. 

For more about Tithe, see this article (here). 

Trust is a Journey

Recently, I had a season where I stopped tithing. I did it on purpose, saying "God, I refuse to toss money at you like a bill. Until I trust you fully and do so willingly and honestly and authentically, I refuse to tithe". And as Malachi promises, the devourer showed up. I got really behind. 

This past week, I reached a place in my heart where I finally can honestly say, I trust God. I'm not "forced" to tithe because the devourer showed up. I'm not tithing because I feel obligated. In fact, I'm not even worried about the mess. I just reached a place, from pursuing his presence when I didn't feel like it (even though I did it imperfectly and inconsistently), where I finally can honestly and authentically say I trust God and I'm grateful for His acting presence in my life.

As a result, I started tithing this paycheck again. And it felt great. I did not do it out of compulsion or need but out of heartful gratitude for everything he's done for me. I know finances will work out. 

Money is just money. I've made a lot and made a little. 

Ironically, it took not getting the "dream job" I thought I had a few weeks ago to finally get me to this point of trusting Him and Him alone. 

No Hiding Requires Community / No Hiding Doesn't Work in a Vacuum. 

It's time to get real about where I am and where I'm headed, and that involves community.

I have a friend who's agreed to do budget sessions together where we just get honest about where we are. 

We're under no obligation to "force" the other person to comply. Just hear the other person, give them a space to be vulnerable in safe-space.

Just getting honest with another human about where our budget is, where our money goes, and where it should be going will force the kind of environment where lies we've been telling ourselves will be brought to the light so they get handled right. 

It should be a wild ride.

Your turn: Comment on this post

What about you, are you being honest with yourself, God, and another human being about where your money goes and about what's driving you? 

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Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!

Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe)

Storyteller | Writer | Thinker | Consultant @ DarrellWolfe.com

Clifton StrengthsFinder: Intellection, Learner, Ideation, Achiever, Input
16Personalities (Myers-Briggs Type): INFJ

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Five (5) ways your windshield & rear view mirror can help you live a fuller life today.

Your windshield is larger than your review mirror on purpose.

Photo by Blake Barlow on Unsplash

Rear-View Mirror vs Windshield:

A week ago, I received a Word of God from a trusted leader in my life:

Remember that your windshield is larger than your rear-view mirror. The rear-view mirror is important. It's important to occasionally glance backward and see what came before. But the windshield is the majority of your field of vision on purpose. Look back, but don't let your rear-view mirror become your entire field of vision, let it remain a small portion of your overall view. Make most of what you see, the future, forward, what's in front of you. 

In the following week, I listened to the StoryBrand podcast with Donald Miller. Either he or a guest said this exact same phrasing about letting your rear-view mirror remain the smaller portion of your field of vision.

Then today, as I opened my Language of Letting Go (app), 11/26/2019, Letting go of Criticism, there was a phrase that stuck out:

Look how far we've come! It's good to focus on the task ahead, on what remains to be done. It's important to stop and feel pleased about what we've accomplished too.

What it means for us today:

As I prayerfully ponder what this means for me and by extension for you, I find the following points rising to the top:

• 1. Take Step One: The purpose of a windshield is to see what's in front of you. Specifically, what's right in front of you. The task at hand. The immediate future, just a glimpse down the road. So often we can get side-tracked by wallowing in the past or day-dreaming about the future, and the tasks that will get us moving forward are left undone, for another day, postponed indefinitely as our "wishes" for the future remain ever distant. It's time to put our hand to the plow, go to work, work overtime, write that blog post, song, book, read that novel, paint that painting, attend that class... do the things you know to do, or you'll never figure out what step two is. You think you've been waiting ten years for God to bring that provision he promised, when all the while, he's been waiting on your to do step one He already gave you. And step two isn't coming until you finish step one.

• 2. The Next Indicated Step: The darker it is outside, the more the field of vision is by necessity restricted to the immediate future. You can't see as far down the road, you can't see as far behind either. You can see what's immediately in front of you. Life gets hard sometimes. I mean, HARD. Awful, even. Sometimes devastating. In rare instances, you may wake up one morning to have your entire world shattered into a million unrecoverable pieces, and you are left to build a mosaic from whatever is left. In these dark times, your field of visoin is by necessity reduced to the immediate future. Maybe even today is too much, this hour, this ten minutes, this minute. Breathe. What's the Next Indicated Step. It might be that the next indicated step, in a moment like this, is to break down crying, then take a nap. That's acceptable, do it, own it, embrace it. Lean into it. 

• 3. Avoid Dangers You've Seen Before: The Rear-View Mirror doesn't really show you the past. Not really. It shows you what is happening right now, behind and to the sides of you. It's not about what happened years ago. It's about what is behind you that is threatening to make your current journey hazardous. So if there's any habits, hang-ups, proclivities, or tendencies that are dangerous to your current journey, the mirror is there to show you these so you can deal with them, avoid them, or plan for them, to avoid danger. 

• 4. Do a Happy Dance (or Wiggle) / Appreciate the Past: The Rear-View Mirror does show us what is behind us. It may be helpful to glance back and see how far we've really come. In the distance, you can see where you started. Beyond your field of vision are places and events you can no longer clearly see, but they affected your journey. Take that glance, own it, and appreciate how much progress you've really made. Give a little shout and happy wiggle (no dancing, you're driving, if you need to dance, pull the car over and get out and dance, then get back on the road). 

• 5. Focus on What's In Front Of You: The Windshield is the majority of our vision for a reason. I have literally started the swerve or veer off the road by looking at the rear-view mirror too long while driving. You can miss what's in front of you, and even crash. Make sure the majority of your time, talents, treasures, thoughts, words spoken to others, words spoken to yourself, are directed at your immediate and long term future. The past is a reference, not a parking place. If you spend most of your time talking about things that happened in the past, you aren't living in your present. Old stories should remain occasional anecdotes, not frequent repeats. 

Your turn:

Comment below, what are you dealing with today that this reminds you of? What's in front of you that needs to get done, behind you that you need to acknowledge but glance back from?

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Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!

Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe)

Storyteller | Writer | Thinker | Consultant @ DarrellWolfe.com

Clifton StrengthsFinder: Intellection, Learner, Ideation, Achiever, Input
16Personalities (Myers-Briggs Type): INFJ

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Do you visit orphans and widows?

What does it mean to look after or visit someone?

When I think of "look after", I think of a mom who has little ones she's always keeping an eye on. It's a full-time job.

When I think of "visit", I think of sitting down in their living room, pulling up a seat, sipping on coffee or cocoa, and having a nice long chat and "visit".

Do you visit orphans and widows?

Pure and undefiled religion before the God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their tribulation; to keep oneself unstained from the world. Berean Literal Bible James 1:27

Photo by Stefan Spassov on Unsplash

Acts of Service

Recently, a Widow myself and father of two mother-less boys, I was given the opportunity to receive a Thanksgiving Basket by a local church. A wonderful friend nominated us. I was so grateful for being thought of, it's truly a blessing. But it was very transactional. "So good to see you, here's your basket?"

It reminds me of a lot of our other church-related "ministries". We have a single mom's event once a year or once a quarter. We give food away near holidays. We wash their car once or mow their lawn.

These are all FABULOUS. We should absolutely keep doing them.

But I wonder if we're missing the opportunity of a lifetime.

Community and Relationship

Rather than looking at this act of service as an end in itself... what if we looked at this act of service as an excuse to build community and relationship. What if the point wasn't the act of service, what if that was an excuse to get us into their world and then sit with them.

It was great to get this box. I'm so happy. And we're short on money this week, so this will go a long way toward feeding us.

However, it got me thinking about all the stories I have heard in my Widow/Widower groups about how community for the Widow either remains the same (zero) because they were already isolated or dwindles and lessens.

Why relationship is harder than service

People don't know what to say. It's awkward. They want to "make it better" but nothing you say will make it better, nothing.

Couples that did everything with you and your spouse no longer invite you because you'd be the only one who wasn't coupled and it would be awkward and they don't want to make you jealous of their happiness.

People feel helpless. The Widow/Orphan may even lash out at the person, taking their pain out on them because they're there in front of them.

So gradually, Widows (and Orphans) lose friends.

They also lose family. Family members on the spouse's side can get envious or angry and cut the Widow off. Family members on the Widows side can hurt seeing you hurt and just want you to hurry up and get better.

Although food and money are always key issues for the Widow... friendship, community, and relationship is the hardest hit spot in their lives.

A weekly visit from someone who wants nothing other than to listen, talk, and be present would be worth a thousand gift boxes, lawns mowed, cars washed, or gift cards.

Opportunity to level up our engagement

So then I thought about all of these things, discussed them with a friend... What the Widow needs most, above all else, is community. Friends, family, adopted-family, people to come alongside of them, sit in their living room, and let them talk about life without hurrying them to change.

My friend, Theresa, told me that I'm especially gifted to sit with someone who's going through a hard season and just let it be hard. I can sit with them in their distress and do it in a way where they feel honored, and not rushed to heal, but still comforted.

She suggested I start training individuals, churches, and organizations to embrace a No Hiding culture, and how to sit with someone in something hard.

The idea sparked something inside of me. Something I wasn't expecting to get downloaded. I can see a clarion call on this mission.

I don't know how to go from a guy, struggling to make ends meet, writing because I can't not write, raising two boys, to the place where I travel the nation teaching Churches and Organizations how to "visit Widows and Orphans"... but it certainly has a ring to it.

That mission has a certain "je ne sais quoi", with bigger than I can do type of calling on it. And that's usually a God thing. If it calls to you strongly AND you have no clue how you'd ever accomplish it because it sounds too big for you... God might be in that.

It's the dreams that you can see the path clearly on, the ones that seem easy, that are usually not God's dreams for you. He wants you dreaming bigger than your ability or resources.

So this is it. I'm putting it out into the universe. I'm not sure what that looks like. I'm not sure if it's something I could be doing by this time next year, or if there's five-ten years of building block lessons I need to master on the way. We shall see.

Maybe it all starts with this post.

For now, here's my ask. On behalf of all those who have no voice and don't know how to ask:

Go visit someone today

If you have an Orphan (a child who's lost one parent or more) or a Widow (a person who's lost their spouse or significant other) in your life, church, work, community:

• Buy them food, absolutely. 
• Give them money, definitely.
• BUT... ask if you can come sit with them.

Literally, physically, in their living room, their space, sit with them. Then just listen. Don't preach them a sermon, teach them a lesson, or tell them about the ten steps to healing... Just sit, listen, and share your life story whenever appropriate but keep the focus on them talking.

Guage what they need in that moment. They may just need to vent. They may need to scream. They may need to tell you stories about the past. They may not want to talk about it anymore and they just need to be distracted by hearing some light-hearted funny things you've heard or seen. See what they need. Don't be afraid to ask but don't be surprised if they don't know. Listen to the Holy Spirit.

If it's an Orphan, they may have been used to sharing all the things they were doing, learning, or playing with their Mom or Dad, now they can't. Just let them babble on about school or legos or the latest movies. Be the "presence" that's so sorely lacking.

Make a commitment, this Thanksgiving week especially.

Go visit an orphan or widow. 

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Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!

Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe)

Storyteller | Writer | Thinker | Consultant @ DarrellWolfe.com

Clifton StrengthsFinder: Intellection, Learner, Ideation, Achiever, Input
16Personalities (Myers-Briggs Type): INFJ

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Reality is real... unless it's not.

When you are working with or talking with other humans...

... You must come to realize that although truth is not relative, truth is true, all the time, no matter how you feel about it...

... Perception is not reality. Perception is not truth.

Photo by Mathilda Khoo on Unsplash

There is what I see, through my lens, filters, past experiences, and the revelations I've had up to today... that perception is what fuels how I feel about an event, decisions, or outcome.

Then... there is what the other person sees, through their lens, filters, past experiences, and the revelations they've had up to today... that perception is what fuels how they feel about an event, decisions, or outcome.

The truth is either somewhere in between, closer to you, closer to them, or both of you are flat wrong.

Just remember, when you are running down the list of what someone else "should" do... you aren't seeing it through their lenses. They may not have the strength, revelation, background insights, or the ability to do what they "should" do.

Just maybe what they "should" do in your mind is not, in fact, what they "should" do.

Just maybe, God's taking them on a different road.

This does not negate truth. Truth is true, every time, always, regardless of how you or I see it. Some things are objectively true. Other things are often true, like principals with rare exceptions.

Most things are not this cold hard truth. Most things fall under the category of living out the revelation we have as best as we can, and letting God make up the difference between what we know and what we should know.

Before you get all worked up about what someone should do, like a parent looking down on a child... maybe back off a second and listen a little better. Either you don't see it right, or you do see it right, but you see it so you can pray for them. They're not ready to hear it or see it.


Either way, take a step back and ask God...

"What are you seeing, what are you saying, and what do you want me to say?"

Selah

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Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!

Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe)

Storyteller | Writer | Thinker | Consultant @ DarrellWolfe.com

Clifton StrengthsFinder: Intellection, Learner, Ideation, Achiever, Input
16Personalities (Myers-Briggs Type): INFJ

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What if God's "no" is best, despite how much you want him to say "yes"?

God says no... sometimes.

Photo by Isaiah Rustad on Unsplash

In Boundaries (affiliate), by Townsend and Cloud, pages 260-263, an interesting idea is presented.

They actually tie the thorn Paul requested to be removed, and Jesus asking for "the cup to be taken from me, nevertheless, not my will..."

I've never really put those two events together into one thought/lesson.

God says "no" sometimes. If healthy boundaries require being able to handle another's "no" with grace and respect their right to say it, then by definition we must respect God's "no" and His boundaries.

Indeed, sometimes we find his no is actually a deep grace that saved us from a stupid decision (and outcome). However, sometimes we find His "no"  is about deepening our character and making us into His image.

The hardships I've experienced these past few years were "hard" but they built in me a character that I did not previously possess. The potential was always there, but I am walking in some of its reality now.

If God is telling you "no" today, what might He be working in you?

Comment on this post with your thoughts.


References:

7or even with these surpassingly great revelations. So to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me.… 2 Corinthians 12

…38Then He said to them, “My soul is consumed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with Me.” 39Going a little farther, He fell facedown and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me. Yet not as I will, but as You will.”  Matthew 26:39

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Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!

Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe)

Storyteller | Writer | Thinker | Consultant @ DarrellWolfe.com

Clifton StrengthsFinder: Intellection, Learner, Ideation, Achiever, Input
16Personalities (Myers-Briggs Type): INFJ

Read more →

No Hiding Manifesto: How to pursue a more authentic relationship with God, others, and yourself.

If you're angry and bitter at God, failing in your relationships, and feeling defeated inside... You are not alone.

There is a better way to live. Come follow me, and pursue a more authentic relationship with God, others, and yourself.

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Photo by Sammie Vasquez on Unsplash

It's been a few years since I planned to kill myself. That was before I discovered a secret that radically changed how I live. I'd like to tell you about that secret.

First, you tell me if this sounds familiar...


You were idealistic, stubborn, motivated, going to take the world by storm. You were sure you had all the answers. Then... life happened.

Your career tanked. You lost a job, your job wasn't as fulfilling as you thought it would be, your career stagnated, you woke up and realized that you never accomplished what you set out to do.

Your marriage and family broke. You had plans to have this amazing marriage and family, and now you either argue constantly or you keep it inside to "keep the peace" but inside you feel nothing but turmoil and strife and anguish. Your kids are cute but driving you nuts. You find yourself staying at work past your off time, taking the longer route home, and doing your best to avoid the pain of being home. Maybe you always intended to get married, but you've floundered from one broken relationship to another without success.

You fell apart. You developed addictions, hang-ups, habits, and life choices that didn't serve you well, but helped you cope with the mounting pressure of being alive, pressing through day to day, getting up and doing life just to do it again the next day.

Tragedy struck. Just when you thought it couldn't get worse... TRAGEDY. Anything from the layoff at work, the car breaking down, to bigger things, like your newborn being rushed to the NICU, or even the death of a loved one.

Pressure mounted. It's all too much, too much pressure. Escape is the mantra that beats at your heart's door. Escape this mounting pressure that you've failed, life failed, and God failed you.


I’ve been there, here’s how I got out.

That's where I was in October 2016, when I decided to say "screw it". I was going to leave everything I knew, wife, kids, church... God. I was going to run off the deep end because "I'd rather be a whole heathen than a half Christian".

Then I made a choice... right there in the middle of that chaos. It was a choice of desperation, and it didn't feel bold. It felt weak, small, pathetic, like the last gasps of a dying man. It was a choice I now call:

No Hiding

In short, I told someone… a few someones.

Let me be clear, I didn’t change my mind. I was still planning to leave wife, kids, God, church, etc. I was still planning to do wild and crazy and self-destructive things… But I decided to leave a small opening for change.

I was brutally honest with two men, in two different settings, both of whom I could trust with my confidentiality about where I was. And I forced myself to tell them everything.

Nothing changed… at first.

I got worse.

That’s right. Nothing. I didn’t feel better. I didn’t change. I didn’t act better. In fact… I embraced this new broken identity and pursued it harder. I found more ways to engage the brokenness. My wife was devastated. My kids were hurt and confused.

But God…

So it was, on January 6, 2017, I was in the kitchen with my then-wife discussing the terms of our impending divorce when I started getting honest with her about everything. I started sharing my real heart, my real pain, the deep stuff that had been with me since childhood, the stuff I'd been keeping locked away so nobody would see how broken I really was. By the end of that conversation, we decided to reconcile, seek help together, and make a way forward.

Out of that conversation, I determined that I would live a NO HIDING lifestyle. Anytime I felt I should hide, cover, present a better face, I would instead, intentionally, reveal, uncover, force transparency.

It didn’t change overnight. We still had some really tough, shitty days. We still fought, because we needed healing. It took going together to a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist to help us learn to communicate better and hear each other.

Just when I thought we were starting to make headwind, another tragedy struck.

She died, suddenly (more on that here). I was left, yet again, in a season of struggling for answers, and pushing against the bitterness against God. But the key to my healing then stayed the same.

No Hiding

I ran to community, wherever I could find it. Most of my community at that time came from Widow/Widower Facebook groups. And I dove in. I started forcing transparency, sharing the darkest craziest thoughts. Out of that community, I’ve made some amazing friends all over the country.

Since then, I’ve made new friends from other communities. I have deepened relationships with my kids, extended family and made new friends. I found a church who’s leadership reflected that honest, open, transparency that I find crucial to my existence.

And I continue to pursue No Hiding, as my mantra, and manifesto.

I now write about pursuing an authentic relationship with God, others, and yourself at DarrellWolfe.com.

No topic is off-limits. I explore how our spiritual, emotional, relational, financial, and even sexual lives are affected by and enhanced by our pursuit of a No Hiding lifestyle.

I hope you’ll join me on that journey.

Subscribe Now - Pursue a No Hiding Lifestyle 

Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!

Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe)

Storyteller | Scribe | Sojourner @ DarrellWolfe.com

Clifton StrengthsFinder: Intellection, Learner, Ideation, Achiever, Input
16Personalities (Myers-Briggs Type): INFJ

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Benefits Package of Heaven

Psalms 103, Benefits of God

As I ponder the benefits package of God, I'm forced to admit I haven't seen much of this play out in my life. It's been a collosal disappointment, frankly. 

Yet I accept my part. How many times did He tell me to do a thing, and I did not. Not to do a thing, and I did. Invest, save, move, he's constantly talking to those who will listen. Partnership. He will not do your job for you. 

If you're an author, he will inspire your book, he won't force you to sit and learn the craft and sit and write the book.

His Benefits take on a new meaning for me tonight, as I look them over more closely. 

Forgiveness: implies I first failed.

Healing: implies I was first sick or broken.

Redemption: implies destruction came upon me.

Mercies: imply He protected me from myself.

Renewed Youth: implies the youth was spent and gone first.

Our Daddy keeps his covenant. He has compassion for our pain, even and maybe especially when it's self inflicted.

I don't understand my plight. I don't remember all the instructions I refused to obey, or even hear. I don't know why I'm living the life I live today. Or experiencing these particular pains.

Some of it is just because we live in a broken world. And in a broken world, things break. 

Although I'm positive some of it was disobedience, some of it may have just been the brokenness of this world. 

It rains on the just and unjust alike. Sometimes rains come and water dry land producing a harvest. Sometimes they come as Tsunamis, wiping out villages. Rain comes on us all. 

But I know Daddy is Good and He is Able. Worst case, I die and this pain stops and I end up in paradise. Best case, I pick myself up, and start winning some victories. 

This covenant is not a covenant of rules and duties. It's a covenant of LOVE, relationship. It's a covenant that says "Come sit in my lap, be with me, build relationship with me, and let this other stuff fall into place while you weren't looking". 

I have ONLY one job. Strive to enter into His rest. His presence. His life giving presence. 

The things you tried to KNOW (figure out with your mind) come from the wrong tree. The Tree of Knowledge brought death, and still does. 

The things he REVEALS (hear, believe, obey) those come out of relationship. The Tree of Life brings relationship with Daddy, walking in the cool of the day, receiving His instructions and clarity.

My only job.... Today... Is to say "Speak, Daddy, Pappa, I'm listening". 

#BeStillBeLed

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