Breakthrough comes in stages... but may not look the way you wanted it to.

Breakthrough doesn't usually come as a pretty little package, wrapped in a bow, all you asked for and more and nothing you didn't.

Photo by Ivana Cajina on Unsplash

Let's define Breakthrough:

Breakthrough: is when you've been holding out hope for a change and that change finally comes.

Sometimes breakthrough doesn't look like what you thought it would, what you hoped it would, and it may not even feel great. But it's still profound and important and you need to pause and be grateful for it, more on that in a moment.

When Breakthrough doesn't look like Breakthrough:

• You've been asking God for a certain schedule and dollars/hour. When you finally get an offer for a new schedule, it's not the hours or days you wanted, but it's still better than what you had. 
• You've been struggling to balance school, work, family, and it's come to the breaking point. It's literally costing you your health but you don't see a way out. Every goal feels important. Finally, a financial setback forces you out of school with no way to return soon. The struggle is over, one of the plates stopped spinning. But it crashed to the floor. 
• You've been struggling in your marriage and it ended, one way or another. The struggle is over, but not like you wanted. 
• You've been trying to figure out how you were going to afford the oil change and your car was totaled the day before you were going to take it in. 

These are just a few ways that the situation changed. But not the way you expected. Sure, sometimes breakthrough comes with all the things you wanted and more things you didn't know you should be asking for, and it comes fully supplied for the future. But let's face it, that's not usually how it comes...

So what do you do when the breakthrough came in a less than an ideal package?

Be Thankful!

Celebrate awkward breakthrough, it's only step one:

That awkward, less than ideal breakthrough, may be forcing you to make a change you didn't know you needed to make or didn't want to see.

Or, it may be just the first signs of the ultimate breakthrough. As the Bible says, first the blade, then the ear, then the full kernel in the ear... maybe this was just the first step towards the ultimate thing.

Maybe this unexpected breakthrough is taking you in a wildly new direction that you'll be excited about upon arrival but from this end of the journey doesn't look like anything positive.

You won't know until you get fully to the other side.

While you wait for the final outcome, in the meantime, be grateful! 

Find a reason to be thankful. If not for the thing that caused it, then be grateful that God is using this ugly thing anyway to take you where you need to go.

Your Turn: Comment Below

Have you had a situation you needed out of change, but in a way you didn't like at first? How did it turn out later?  

Are there things happening right now that you don't like, but could they prepare you for something you want?

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Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!

Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe)

Storyteller | Writer | Thinker | Consultant @ DarrellWolfe.com

Clifton StrengthsFinder: Intellection, Learner, Ideation, Achiever, Input
16Personalities (Myers-Briggs Type): INFJ

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What if being vulnerable and authentic was the key to breakthrough leadership?

This is going to be a short post. Tonight I listened to the BuildingAStoryBrand Podcast, Episode 20:

Click Here > 6 Characteristics that Will Make You an Emotionally Strong Leader 

INTERVIEW WITH MILES ADCOX, hosted by DONALD MILLER

Image from: http://buildingastorybrand.com/episode-20/

Synopsis:

In a book I read earlier this summer, The Emotionally Healthy Leader: How Transforming Your Inner Life Will Deeply Transform Your Church, Team, and the World (affiliate link), Author and Pastor Peter Scazzero discusses his journey to becoming Emotionally Healthy. He shows us the hard truth that if you build a successful business or ministry but fail to develop an emotionally healthy spirituality and leadership, you are still a failure.

How many times do we have to hear about a high powered business leader or church leader falling out of grace, losing their family or health, before we will accept that emotional health is the number one success indicator we should be striving for?

In this podcast episode, Miles and Donald discuss the system Miles uses in his own business to build an emotionally healthy culture and an environment where mistakes are high fived.
He describes the ANCHOR method for developing emotional fitness.

ANCHOR:

• Authenticity
• Nurturing
• Courageous
• Humility
• Open
• Resilient

For more details, read the show notes or listen to the podcast (here).

My takeaways...

What impressed me was a thing he did with other leaders that few dare to do. They created a closed system in which everyone felt comfortable sharing their darkest struggles (think A.A. for CEOs) and got vulnerable with each other.


This reminds me of the men's bible study I attended back in Fort Worth (Hey Rudy/Eric!). We had half on purpose half on accident created an environment where men felt accepted and able to be vulnerable. This created a catalyst for change.

As I experienced with my group, Miles experienced with his, and any group of people committed to NO HIDING (such as Al-Anon or A.A. groups) experience, a culture of being open and vulnerable creates the environment where you can bring things to the light so they get handled right.

In that NO HIDING environment, you are changed from the inside out. Not through effort but through letting the darkness out and the light in. It happens while you're not paying attention, in the unexpected moments, in the consistently showing up.

It was refreshing to hear another group of men having this same experience in a different context but similar environment.

I suggest you listen to this powerful episode.

***

Side Note: Check out this amazing organization dedicated to help fight human trafficking. 

DressEmber.Org

The owner was interviewed at the end of Episode 20 of the Building a Story Brand podcast.

***

Your Turn:

Can you recall an instance where being vulnerable with another human or group of humans lead to a powerful change in you? Was it the change you expected?

Subscribe Now - Pursue a No Hiding Lifestyle 

Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!

Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe)

Storyteller | Writer | Thinker | Consultant @ DarrellWolfe.com

Clifton StrengthsFinder: Intellection, Learner, Ideation, Achiever, Input
16Personalities (Myers-Briggs Type): INFJ

Read more →

Four (4) steps you can take to end negative obsessive thoughts in your marriage/relationships and heal them once and for all.

End negative obsession in your marriage or relationships. 

Yesterday I wrote (here) about what it is to be obsessed over a person or situation, from the perspective of loss.

You lose a spouse to death (the ultimate loss), a break-up, something is lost via theft, or you lose a job or ministry. These lead to Valid Pain as well as Lie-Driven Pain. The lie-driven pain leads to obsession.

As I discussed this today with a good friend, I realized there is another layer to uncover here.

Obsession within the relationship. I'm going to use a marriage example but it could be within any relationship (parent/child, employer/employee, etc.).

Photo by Road Trip with Raj on Unsplash

Obsession within Relationship

Over the years, I found myself obsessed with what my wife and kids were or weren't.

• They always...
• They never... 
• If only they...
• Why won't they...
• Why do they...
• I wish they'd just...

As we discussed yesterday, obsession is always about you and never about them. Obsession is your emotional hunger-pangs. It's telling you that you are lacking in some profound way, that you have valid emotional needs that are not being met. 

Unhealthy Response to Obsession: Escape Pain's Fruit

As a result of these types of obsessive thoughts, we often turn to things that help us numb the pain. These could be things like:

• Workaholism
• Binging Netflix/Hulu
• Excessive Shopping
• Alcohol/Drugs/Substances
• Pornography/Illicit Relationships
• Overeating / Undereating (control)

These are a few of the more common examples, but any number of other behaviors could be used as "escapism".

Humans will do anything to avoid or escape pain. 

Some people look at addicts and say "how can that drug be so powerful that they would leave their job and family for a high?"; truth is they aren't going to the drug for the "high" they are going because they are in pain (physical, emotional, psychological) and they are using that drug to escape pain. 

Clue: If at any point, you are obsessed with what someone else is or isn't doing for/to you; you are obsessing. This is a sign that you have unmet emotional needs. Rather than turning to escapism, there is another way.

Healthy Response to Obsession: Heal Pain's Root

1. Find the unmet emotional need. 

Even the apparent need for "sex" that causes men (and women) to turn to pornography, isn't actually a physical need. The needs that drive us to self-destructive behaviors are emotional needs. 

They are things like value, worth, identity, and meaning. They drive questions such as:

• Am I worthy?
• Am I enough?
• Am I lovely?
• Do I have what it takes?
• If I reveal this, will you reject me?
• Will you abandon me? Discard me?
• Am I wanted, desired, appreciated, loved?
• I want to be seen and heard, known and loved.

These kinds of unmet emotional needs are the driving force behind our obsession. Like a movie makes us cry, giving us access to an emotional reaction, the "movie" of what we want or don't want from our relationships can replay over and over like a broken record. But the real thing this tells us isn't about what they do or don't do for us, it's about our own need. It's telling us we have an unmet emotional need. 

So what are we to do with that?

2. Expose that need within safe-community. 

If you and your person (spouse, child, boss, friend) are in a good safe relationship, you can bring it directly to them. But for many, they may not feel safe to take it to that person yet. 

Find at least one other human being (pastor, counselor, support group, close-confidante friend) who you know and trust will be safe with your vulnerability, and share this discovery with them. That might sound like this:

"I've been obsessed over my marriage. Constantly thinking about what he/she is (and isn't) doing for me. I've spent some time sitting with that and I realized that this means I'm having unmet emotional needs. I don't feel ___need goes here (valued, wanted, known)___. I wanted someone safe to discuss this with."

Once you have found safe community, you can move on to getting that need met. 

3. Find safe-community and get that need met. 

Warning, Safe Community Is Not an Affair: This doesn't mean to get the need met by another woman (or man) in the office outside of your marriage. This doesn't mean to leave the relationship because this other person isn't doing for you what you need done. This is not an advocation for an affair. In fact, an affair would fall under an unhealthy category (escapism). It doesn't deal with the real issue, it simply allows you to escape that pain for a period of time, then compounds the fracture and makes it worse.

Safe community is a place where you can be open and vulnerable without fear of judgment or reprisal, where you're value and needs can be met without negative consequences.

Safe Community could be any combination of:

• Friends
• Counselors
• Pastors
• Support Groups 

The goal would be that they will hear you without judgment and help you see the truth. You are valued, wanted, desired, and cared for. You are enough. You are loved. And none of this is about whether another human loves you or not.


4. Find your identity outside of anyone's opinion.

You need to know in your deepest heart that Your Daddy Is Proud of You! That has to be the ultimate place of healing.

As long as your identity is based in an external locus (coming from outside of you, what others tell you), it will always be subject to the situation. You're value and felt-needs will ebb and flow with the people around you, their mood. People are imperfect. Situations change. Your value cannot be based on the outside.

Inside Out: Your value must come from what you know to be true about you because your Daddy (God) has spoken it to your heart. 

When you have an internal locus of value, you change the atmosphere of the room and your relationships; rather, than your room or relationships changing your value.

Back to Comunity: And most often, when we are in pain, we cannot hear God's voice speaking to us through the noise. We need a community to remind us what He says about us and point us to our true value.

Note: If you don't know Jesus (the ultimate source of your identity), if you don't know LIFE Himself, click here. 

Your Turn: Comment on this post

Have you found yourself obsessing over things inside your relationships/marriage? 

What could that tell you about the unmet emotional needs you have? 

How could you find a safe, healthy, community to meet those unmet needs?

Subscribe Now - Pursue a No Hiding Lifestyle 

Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!

Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe)

Storyteller | Writer | Thinker | Consultant @ DarrellWolfe.com

Clifton StrengthsFinder: Intellection, Learner, Ideation, Achiever, Input
16Personalities (Myers-Briggs Type): INFJ

Read more →

Why does this hurt SO bad?

Have you ever been obsessed with a person or situation?

Have you ever found yourself hurting more than you expected, for longer then you expected, and you find yourself nearly obsessing over a person or situation because of it? The scene replays over and over in your head like a broken record.

Photo by Elena Taranenko on Unsplash

This type of intense emotional pain can be a signal that something is not okay inside, but it probably has nothing to do with the person or situation you are obsessing over.

There are two types of emotional pain to address here:

1. Valid: Pain associated with loss.
2. Lies: Pain associated with the things we tell ourselves about an event. 

Wrapped up in these are a host of emotions. You may be wishing you could control the outcome, control the person, make it come out the way you want it to. 

The Truth will set you FREE

Dealing with Valid Loss:

Some of this pain is valid. You experienced a real loss. You are grieving something you had and lost or something you hoped for and didn't get.

This is called "grief". You must process through this grief and release that dream. It hurts. It sucks.

It's something you can recover from, if you process well.

Time doesn't heal this wound by itself. Time for lies to worm their way into your soul will make you more sick the longer it goes on. Time combined with purposeful healing in a safe community will bring you through that period of grief with a new life on the other side.

Time*Lies*Isolation=Toxic Death.  

Time*Truth*Community=New Life

The bigger the loss, the more time it could take to recover and work through the ramifications of that loss. You may need to get some alone time with God, go out to coffee with a friend, pick up the phone and call someone, even make an appointment with your Mental Health Professional.

Dealing with Lies:

The other pain is caused by lies. These are identity-based thoughts. 

1. What does this mean about me?
2. Am I unworthy of...?
3. Am I not enough?
4. If only she/he would... 
5. How dare they treat me this way!
6. He/She doesn't deserve...
7. He/She is only/always/never...

Frankly, the hardest and most rewarding lesson I've learned this year is that these kinds of obsessive thoughts are not about the other person/situation at all. 

Pain is a Signal:

Just as the pain of a skinned knee is telling you that a wound has occurred and you need to fix it, or the pangs of hunger tell you to eat... these obsessive thoughts are here to tell you that a valid emotional need is going unmet. 

Like a movie may give you access to your emotions and help you cry, this person/situation is giving you insight into the needs you have that are going unmet. 

It was really fun, refreshing to be raw and vulnerable, I liked who I was when I was with her/him. 

When I worked for X Company or with Y Ministry, I felt important and I mattered. 

Now it's gone. It hurts. It's not really about him/her/it, it's about you. It's about the emotional need you have. 

So the two questions to ask yourself is: 

What do I see in him/her/situation that reflects an unmet need in me?

How can I get that need met in a healthy way in healthy community, elsewhere?

Then you can release him/her/situation and focus on finding healthier places to get that valid emotional need met in a safe, healthy, community. There are things that need specific answers.

It's true, certain things you hope for may not come without a spouse. But many aspects of the intimacy of the heart, accountability, enjoyable interactions, and more you hope for can be met with safe friends and community.

Your Turn:

Think about something you've been obsessing over, you don't have to say what it is. But what could you learn about your own unmet emotional needs from reviewing why you are obsessing over it? How could you meet those needs in healthier and more constructive ways in healthy community?

Subscribe Now - Pursue a No Hiding Lifestyle 

Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!

Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe)

Storyteller | Writer | Thinker | Consultant @ DarrellWolfe.com

Clifton StrengthsFinder: Intellection, Learner, Ideation, Achiever, Input
16Personalities (Myers-Briggs Type): INFJ

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What if you suddenly had what you've been asking for... would you be too scared to take it?

How fear of romantic commitment can teach us to bravely embrace all the opportunities life offers:

On the surface, you'll say no. Of course not. That's silly. Why would I not take the very thing I've been asking for?

Then when the possibility of that thing starts becoming real... so do the questions.

• Am I enough?
• Do I have what it takes?
• Can I really do this?
• What if I fail?
• What if they see I was just bluffing all along, I'm not really good enough to do this.
• What if they see the real me and reject me?
• Fill in the blank with your self-doubt here... we all have it.

I had a realization today about romance that I hope will help you take the leap on preparing for your next big thing, whatever it may be.

I chose this photo because it represents where I am... she's out there, somewhere, faceless, and calling me into a new adventure, and she is tugging because I'm terrified of following her to that precipice.

Photo by Alvin Mahmudov on Unsplash

Have you ever been scared of success?

Have you ever come face to face with the thing you wanted, then realized you were too frightened to take it?

I was once the top pick for a job in a leadership role and pulled my application because I was terrified of getting hired and then realizing I didn't have what it takes to lead. It took me several years and a move to a different building to get that opportunity again.

Recently, two separate individuals in two sperate instances have given me prophetic words; "God has a wife for you".

At first, I brushed off the comments. I'm starting to like my single life (never thought I'd say that) and the idea of starting over isn't as appealing as it once was. I think "I had my chance at love, let me just raise my boys now and write and work on school". In my first 17 months as a Widower, I fooled around with two counterfeit relationships I thought would be serious contenders and then realized later they were just empty promises. In both cases, I find myself SO grateful they didn't work out. I can see in hindsight that they would have been disastrous for me and my boys. Good women, but not good for me.

Then as I prayed about those two individuals giving me the exact same sentence, word-for-word, I heard God say: "Don't put that down". I inferred the meaning to be that I was getting relaxed in my singleness but he didn't want me to lay down that dream. Keep praying for her. Keep praying about her. Keep praying for my kids and her kids. Etc.

Then on the way home tonight, the realization that I really do have a wife waiting in the wings. She's just around the bend, another few rounds of self-improvement, another few invites to random events, she'll be there one day.

The start of our story will begin...

And it terrified me. 

Self-Sabotage

When I realized that real intimacy, closeness, aliveness was actually still really possible... not in a "safe" relationship that I can control but in a real, vulnerable, open, NO HIDING way... I got scared.

What if I never live up to her expectations? What if I just end up failing again? What if it's just a trap anyway and I'm better off single forever?

These thoughts led to; "Maybe I should just stay over-weight and broken because then she won't want me and I'll stay safe. No Risk..."

Overcoming Lying to Yourself

The fact is, all of those things are possible. I could fail. I probably won't live up to her expectations. I will have days, guaranteed, that I will wonder if getting married again was a good idea. And so will she.

None of that matters.

If I'm committed to NO HIDING; then I owe it to her, my kids, myself, and to God to work on me. 

If we're both equally committed to NO HIDING with God, and pursuing Him even when we don't feel like it, then we are giving ourselves the best chance of success.

Those things are half-truths.

Half-truths are whole-LIES. 

The other side of the coin is a possible future in which I've grown because I purposefully dealt with my stuff, and she's grown because she purposefully dealt with her stuff, and we were ordained of God to meet for a such a time as this because we can do more together than alone.

NO HIDING is the key to self-doubt and self-sabotage. 

This is just an example. You could be running from your calling in life, a leadership opportunity, an opportunity to find your life partner, an opportunity to raise your kids like a real father, the opportunity to start a business... There could be a thousand scenarios in which you are being called to rise up to the challenge and you are scared that you don't have enough, so you want to shrink back.

Once you identify that the thing holding you back is a lie, probably built on top of another lie... you can own your truth. 

My truth: I am a different man today than I was when I became a Widower. I am a much different man today than I was the two years and five years prior to becoming a Widower. The man I am today, I'm proud of because my Daddy is proud of me. This man is ready to keep growing, pushing, and developing and one day, he'll be ready to meet someone and be a blessing to her and her family, as she will be to me and mine.

The truth is... our story doesn't begin when I meet her. It begins right now. By my deciding to rise up to the challenge and continue to push forward. 

Your Turn: Comment below

What lie is holding you back, making you shrink back, from your opportunity?

What Truth would God replace it with?

If you commit to NO HIDING and bring it to his light, it can get handled right, and then you can push forward to your next opportunity to succeed. 

Subscribe Now - Pursue a No Hiding Lifestyle 

Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!

Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe)

Storyteller | Writer | Thinker | Consultant @ DarrellWolfe.com

Clifton StrengthsFinder: Intellection, Learner, Ideation, Achiever, Input
16Personalities (Myers-Briggs Type): INFJ

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Five (5) things to consider when being authentic in public and in private.

Never be inauthentic. Always be who you are. Consider your audience. Be responsible to God, your closest family and friends first. Use your Freedom Responsibly. 

A friend of mine asked if it was okay to post a comment on my website article, sharing the comment with me privately instead. She asked if I liked to keep my public and private spaces separated. This got me thinking...

Photo by Christian Gertenbach on Unsplash

My thoughts to her question prompted this Facebook Post on my Public Page (here):

Thought: If you separate who you are publicly and who you are privately, you are bifurcating yourself. Always be who you are. If you're making a public change, it should start as a private one. Who you are at work, at home, with friends, and online should be the same. There's a place for context and audience for topics, but who you are shouldn't change.

These re-sparked thoughts I've been pondering since someone asked me to make some changes to how I present myself on Facebook before I could participate in some leadership activities with their organization. It was mentioned that we need to be "above reproach".

So I've been sitting with this idea, reading the Bible, discussing it with my counselor, and with friends. Here's the conclusion I've come to about the idea of how you present yourself... so far. Still sitting with it.

Five (5) things to consider when being authentic in public and in private:

1. You should never be a different person. It is one thing to consider your audience, it is an entirely different thing to be an actual different person. If you are one way online (feisty, mean, snarky) and another way in person (polite, giving caring), you are bifurcating (dividing) your personality. This will have huge negative payoffs over time, literally dividing your soul. You should be authentically you in all situations, alter content for context, but never become a different person. Being a different person is how we see seemingly "great" people have mighty falls. The opposite of depression is not "happiness" it is Expression. You must always strive for maximum authenticity, wholeness, full integration of your spiritual, emotional, physical, financial, and even sexual self. Fully integrated. Fully Authentic. Fully Real. Fully Expressed.


2. You should absolutely consider your audience. If you have kids as "Facebook Friends", you either need to remove them or watch what you share. Even some things that would be totally appropriate to discuss among adult Christian couples in private or at a marriage conference, do not need to be topics of discussion for younger children. Your audience matters. Start to consider who could be seeing this now and down the road years from now. Nothing disappears online.


3. Your ultimately responsible to an audience of ONE. Your Daddy (God) is your only audience. If you are satisfied that you are being responsible to Him for everything you say and do, responsible to the situational ethics He's laid out in His Word, then you are perfect regardless of what anyone says. Their opinion is irrelevant if you are sure He is satisfied. Note: Make sure you aren't ignoring his gentle nudge that they might be right. *wink wink*


4. Your second responsibility is to those closest to you. Friends, family, and the members of your household should get your absolute best. If you give everything you have outside the home (work, ministry, business) and you have nothing left to give at home (or worse, you are a cranky, mean, donkey's butt at home)... You are not being authentic. Nobody should think highly of you at work if your own family doesn't think at least as highly of you, or more at home.


5. Leveling Up requires changing your perspective about your own freedom. Romans 14 lays out the ground rules. Who you are in all situations, depends on your perspective.

     Freedom Level 1. The person who doesn't do something because they feel guilty even though it's okay is considered the weaker one according to the Bible. These are the "don't eat meats".

     Freedom Level 2. The person who does a thing freely without violating his own conscience is considered stronger. These are the "eat meats".

     Freedom Level 3. The best person is one who is free but doesn't use that freedom to make his brother stumble. How you word and use your freedom can help those who are not ready for your level of Freedom. This final level is the one who sees the Level 1 and has compassion and chooses to limit himself for the greater good. Not out of compulsion or religious duty, but out of compassionate love for the weaker one. 


I hope that gives you some things to consider. It's not about what you "should" do, it's about what your Noble Self (the heart of God inside of you) desires to do, say, and be. Being instant, in season and out of season.

Your Turn:

Comment on this post. How have you noticed yourself changing who you are in different contexts? Has it been life-giving or life-draining for you?

Subscribe Now - Pursue a No Hiding Lifestyle 

Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!

Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe)

Storyteller | Writer | Thinker | Consultant @ DarrellWolfe.com

Clifton StrengthsFinder: Intellection, Learner, Ideation, Achiever, Input
16Personalities (Myers-Briggs Type): INFJ

Read more →

Your Daddy is proud of you!

Hear Me: Your Daddy is proud of you!

Today, as I went about my day, I heard something that has resonated throughout the day, and I want to share it with you.

Photo by Edward Cisneros on Unsplash

This message percolated throughout the day, coming up over and over, and even as the day ended with a long conversation with a good friend, she reminded me yet again how far I've come in my growth, and I heard it again.

Even as I almost skipped putting up a post today, because it was long and I was tired... I sat down and wondered what He might want me to tell you... and I know that what I heard isn't just for today or for me, but it's for you too, so I'm sharing.

God: Your Daddy is proud of you!

Your earthly Dad may have been many things, anywhere on the spectrum from highly loving and engaged to aloof to absent to abusive.

Your Heavenly Father is different from all of those types of dads. He is incapable of not loving you.

Right about this point, I hear the voice in my head (and yours) scoff.

Yeah Right! If God loved me, xyz wouldn't have happened. 

I know. I hear you. I feel that pain. Here and now, I validate that and I acknowledge that emotion. It's real. Life sucks sometimes, for some of us most of the time.

Lay love aside for the moment, because what I'm saying is so much deeper and more profound than that.

Your Daddy (God) is PROUD of you! 

That's even harder to swallow. Religion has informed us that we don't measure up to his standards, we need to improve, be better, be less or more (fill in the religious blank here) to earn his love and acceptance.

Some idiots (yes I used that word) with picket signs are standing outside of a Gay Pride parade with a sign that says "God Hates Gays". And you might be one of the ones who've read that sign, and you are saying "God's not proud of me, he doesn't even like me".

I'm here to tell you. YES, HE IS.

A good Daddy is proud of his kids for their attempts at being what he created them to be. A small toddler taking his/her first steps and falling into waiting arms is not judged by their success or failure.

As a Daddy myself, I assure you, it was the attempt that had us beaming with pride. "Look at that! My kid! My kid walked! Sure, it was a half-step stumble fall, but it counts!"

Why? Not because they're the best walker in the world, but it's because we see the potential inside of them being realized. Because of what we see in them.

Your Daddy created perfection when He created you, and that's what he sees.

Sure, He sees the mistakes, but He's got those covered. Accept his game-plan for Life (read more here) and he'll handle the "mistakes" on his own, without your help.

Stop.

Right now. Stop.

Get quiet. Close your eyes. If you are alone say this out loud, if not, say it quietly to yourself.

"Daddy (God)(Pappa)... Are you really proud of me?"

Then be quiet. Let Him speak. If you've never tried to hear God speak, it might be hard to distinguish, that's okay. Repeat this exercise daily until you start to hear him. He wants to talk. And when you start hearing the God of the Universe tell you how proud He is of you... Everything else just doesn't matter as much as it used to.

Tell Your Kids: Your Daddy is proud of you!

Once you sit with that and own it, tell people. If you have children, no matter how old, even adult children... Tell them how proud you are of them. Forget performance. Who cares what choices they made that you disagree with. Who cares what "sin" they're living in according to you. You go validate the potential God put inside of them.

Find something, anything, that you can praise, and praise the heck out of it!

Make banners, frames, post-cards, whatever it takes.

Be genuine, sincere, and not fake about it. For that to work, you have to own it and believe it first.

Good leaders know that catching someone doing good and praising them for it is 100% of times more powerful in creating good behavior than correcting something bad.

Go find something you can be proud of, even if it's unrealized and untapped potential, and praise it!

Tell Your People: Your Daddy is proud of you!

Maybe you don't have kids or you're estranged from them. You have access to someone. Some human in your world, no matter how small, the mailman if need be, that you can do this with. Go tell them, their Daddy is proud of them.

Your Turn:

Comment below, what's one thing you are proud of in someone in your life!

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Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!

Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe)

Storyteller | Writer | Thinker | Consultant @ DarrellWolfe.com

Clifton StrengthsFinder: Intellection, Learner, Ideation, Achiever, Input
16Personalities (Myers-Briggs Type): INFJ

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