I Hate My Birthday... Is that wrong?

“Let the day on which I was born perish, And the night which announced: ‘There is a man-child conceived.’ JOB 3:3 AMP

http://bible.com/1588/job.3.3.AMP

It sounds melodramatic when I read Job say it; however, this has basically been my complaint for as long as I can remember.

Job 3 shows an entire chapter of him wishing he was never born and cursing his birthday. I've always hated my birthday too, often telling people to keep me off of birthday celebration lists and calendars.

I've made due with life but wished I'd have left it long ago... That hasn't changed but I'm starting to get the sense that shell is cracking.

Maybe, just maybe, I won't hate and despise my birthday in the future, maybe I'll learn to accept that I'm here on Earth and be happy about it? That sounds like a stretch right now.

Right now I'm just content with being in a place where I'm feeling maybe being alive isn't all bad... That's a huge step up from my past 36.5 years.

Maybe I'll let my name stay on the birthday list as a rebellion against depression... Who knows, maybe I won't hate it... Maybe... DW

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Raindrop Dance

Raindrops dance all over my brain. A million tiny electrical signals buzzing just under my skull. A warm buzzing lays on my brain like a blanket after a cold winter awakening.

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger????

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

Ask a Vet with an amputated limb if they feel stronger now or before the limb was taken... I'd bet before. Injury, all injury, is by definition a lack of perfection.

What doesn't kill you, more often than not,  makes you weaker, more timid, more cautious, slower... Not stronger.

Sure, we can learn from the past, become more resilient. We can use pressure, under certain circumstances, to build resistance based strengths, like a body builder pushing back on the resistance of the weights...

But by no means is the saying: "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" an accurate portrayal of Truth, nor should it EVER be spoken to someone in pain.

The enemy comes ONLY to steal, kill, and destroy, that's why the pain/attack came, not to make you stronger but to kill you.

God's Grace brought you through but He didn't bring you to...

God's Grace can heal you too.

Selah

#LiesAboutGod

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger????

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

Ask a Vet with an amputated limb if they feel stronger now or before the limb was taken... I'd bet before. Injury, all injury, is by definition a lack of perfection.

What doesn't kill you, more often than not,  makes you weaker, more timid, more cautious, slower... Not stronger.

Sure, we can learn from the past, become more resilient. We can use pressure, under certain circumstances, to build resistance based strengths, like a body builder pushing back on the resistance of the weights...

But by no means is the saying: "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" an accurate portrayal of Truth, nor should it EVER be spoken to someone in pain.

The enemy comes ONLY to steal, kill, and destroy, that's why the pain/attack came, not to make you stronger but to kill you.

God's Grace brought you through but He didn't bring you to...

God's Grace can heal you too.

Selah

#LiesAboutGod

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The Good Will Hunting Dilemma

Do you know the problem with having a 148IQ (Genius, for those who don't know)?

You know so many things, memorize things easily, perform tasks that take others time to learn in practically no time, excel at almost everything fact based (except human relationships)...

You can do anything, be anything...

Therefore, nothing holds your attention very long. You have trouble sticking to a task long enough to see the payoff.

I've started and restarted more careers than most people have in a lifetime.

I've been:

Cart Attendant/Cashier
Western Clothing Salesman
Hat shaper/Cleaner
Pool Cleaner
Maintenance for a Summer camp
Restaurant server for five separate companies in eight locations.
Call center customer service
Call center sales
Branch/Retail banking sales
Executive Office complaints management
Policy & Procedure (P&P) writer
Freelance writer
Blogger
Audio Technician
And many other things...

I went to Jr College for six years, changed majors three times, collected 78 units, never graduated...

And after all that, at nearly 37 years old...

I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I have inklings, ideas, I'm clearer now then I was earlier in life... But I'm still totally unclear on the path...

It's like in Man of Steel, young Clark Kent is getting so many inputs he can't handle it, he runs to hide in the closet...

That's how I've felt my entire life...

You can tell me how great I am at X, Y, or Z... But it's hard to feel successful when you're this far along and you have no better ideas than you did in highschool...

I often wish I was dumber, that way I could settle down into a single career, be happy enough, go out for drinks with the boys on Friday, watch the game, etc... Normie stuff?

Being a genius has not helped me one bit...

God must have a plan but I'm not seeing it...

Here's hoping it comes soon..

#GoodWillHuntingDilema

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The Good Will Hunting Dilemma

Do you know the problem with having a 148IQ (Genius, for those who don't know)?

You know so many things, memorize things easily, perform tasks that take others time to learn in practically no time, excel at almost everything fact based (except human relationships)...

You can do anything, be anything...

Therefore, nothing holds your attention very long. You have trouble sticking to a task long enough to see the payoff.

I've started and restarted more careers than most people have in a lifetime.

I've been:

Cart Attendant/Cashier
Western Clothing Salesman
Hat shaper/Cleaner
Pool Cleaner
Maintenance for a Summer camp
Restaurant server for five separate companies in eight locations.
Call center customer service
Call center sales
Branch/Retail banking sales
Executive Office complaints management
Policy & Procedure (P&P) writer
Freelance writer
Blogger
Audio Technician
And many other things...

I went to Jr College for six years, changed majors three times, collected 78 units, never graduated...

And after all that, at nearly 37 years old...

I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I have inklings, ideas, I'm clearer now then I was earlier in life... But I'm still totally unclear on the path...

It's like in Man of Steel, young Clark Kent is getting so many inputs he can't handle it, he runs to hide in the closet...

That's how I've felt my entire life...

You can tell me how great I am at X, Y, or Z... But it's hard to feel successful when you're this far along and you have no better ideas than you did in highschool...

I often wish I was dumber, that way I could settle down into a single career, be happy enough, go out for drinks with the boys on Friday, watch the game, etc... Normie stuff?

Being a genius has not helped me one bit...

God must have a plan but I'm not seeing it...

Here's hoping it comes soon..

#GoodWillHuntingDilema

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Become not do

From 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:

As Emerson once put it, “What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say.”

It's one thing to put on a smile at work on a bad day because the customer doesn't need to know about that. You got a job to do. We've all had to do that and it's ok.

It's another thing to lie to those closer to you, or worse yourself. Who you are produces what you do. If those two are not aligned it creates cognitive dissonance, spiritual tremors, anxiety breakdowns.

The solution isn't to stop doing good or well... though that's exactly what you'll be tempted to do to some the cognitive dissonance.

The solution it's to become who you were created to be. As you become, your doing gets better as a byproduct.

#ScratchTheNewLimb
#ChangeTheFocus

Darrell

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